Mascots That Could Win a Fight Against Devin Booker
You may have seen the scuffle that happened between Devin Booker and the Toronto Raptors mascot. The classic story of player shooting free throws in an empty arena, dinosaur tries to distract him from shooting said free throws, player gets mad at dinosaur, you know the drill. This exchange made me think about all of the mascots that get by everyday with annoying the hell out of these professional athletes with seemingly zero retaliation from said athletes. But what if Devin Booker was less level headed and decided to engage the Raptor in physical combat? Or even better, what if Devin Booker decided to put his money where his mouth is and try fighting every mascot? Which mascots would hold their weight? Finding the answer to this is the goal I have assigned myself today, so without any further introduction I present the four mascots I believe could beat Devin Booker in a fight.
4. Uga (Georgia Bulldogs Mascot)
Height: 1’4”
Weight: 49 lbs 6 oz
Uga is at an immediate disadvantage. Devin Booker is more than 5 times his height, and four times his weight. Normally a fight this physically lopsided would result in the much larger opponent making quick work of the smaller one, however Uga is experienced, and also kind of a fucker if I’m being honest. This dog has previous fighting experience, previously attempting to bite an Auburn player in the 90’s and most recently getting into an altercation with Texas mascot Bevo at the 2019 Sugar Bowl. Uga exemplifies the old saying “it’s not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog,” with his gritty mentality and bowling ball frame. Now that Uga has added another national championship to his name I believe he has become more powerful than ever, and if given a chance would beat Devin Booker in a fight.
3. Youppi! (Former Montreal Expos mascot, current Montreal Canadiens mascot)
Height: 6’10”
Weight: 317 lbs 8 oz
Youppi made waves in the late 80’s during his stint as the Montreal Expos mascot when he became the first mascot to ever be tossed mid game. You read that correctly, in a 1989 game between the Expos and Dodgers Youppi became such a nuisance that Bob Davidson had security escort him out of the park. So we know Youppi is bold, but why does this give him an advantage in a fight? What I failed to mention is Youppi wasn’t tossed until extra innings. He had been jumping on the Dodgers dugout and being generally mischievous for the entire game. It wasn’t until Tommy Lasorda (who had been growing more and more annoyed with Youppi over the course of the game) finally demanded that Youppi be tossed that he was. Youppi was willing to be a complete heel for hours to get his way, not to mention he has a padded belly that I’m positive could sustain a few punches from Booker.
2: The Philly Phanatic (Philadelphia Phillies mascot)
Height: 6’6”
Weight: 300 lbs
The Philly Phanatic is on this list because he is by far the most experienced mascot when it comes to fighting. From what I can find he’s been in at least two physical altercations in his career, one with Cardinals left fielder Lonnie Smith in 1982, and one with Dodgers manager Tommy Las- wait seriously? Damn Tommy Lasorda really did not like mascots. The Philly Phanatic is mean as hell. Jon Bois put it perfectly in his video about Lonnie Smith calling the Philly Phanatic “an asshole.” The Philly Phanatic would absolutely get under Booker’s skin, and when Booker charged the Philly Phanatic would take advantage of the knowledge he has gained from these previous experiences and fight back.
1: Gritty (Philadelphia Flyers Mascot)
Height: 7’
Weight: Infinite
Don’t lie, you knew who was gonna be number one. What’s the first rule of fighting? Don’t fight the crazy guy. If Devin Booker challenged Gritty to a fight he would be breaking that rule. Look, you know the deal with Gritty. He looks like an extra on the Muppet Show that takes vacations to Hell for fun. His name is Gritty. In the almost-four year period since his introduction in 2018, Gritty has already been investigated for punching a child. Look at his eyes. You think those look like the eyes of a mascot with something to lose? Gritty is the type of mascot to bring a knife to a gun fight and win. Fisticuffs with Devin Booker is something Gritty wouldn’t even consider a challenge, and when he’s done he’ll just go about his day as if nothing happened.
I hope Devin Booker doesn’t see any of this article as shade. For what it’s worth, I think all of these fights would be tough wins for the mascots (with the exception of Gritty), and I think Booker can hold his own, however if I was him I wouldn’t try any of these mascots.